"A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants." Mary Tyler Moore Show, "Chuckles Bites the Dust"
October 5, 2016
By: Linda Case Gibbons
Clowns are in big trouble, and it's breaking Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey's heart.
They run a clown school.
The "Creepy Clown" hysteria that's sweeping the country has thrown clowns into a dither.
'It is troubling because it's a distraction for our clowns who just want to make people laugh and smile," a spokesman for the school said.
He's not the only one who's worried. Professional clowns are concerned about their safety and losing their livelihoods. It's what made professional clown Jordan Jones, better known as Snuggles the Clown, form "Clown Lives Matter."
Yes, it's a real movement.
And it was organized right around the time Tim Kaine made his vice presidential debate appearance.
Coincidence? Some say not.
The words "creepy clown," "scary," and "evil looking" kept cropping up in post-debate commentary about Kaine.
And who can say they're wrong?
We saw it, too, that scary little smile Kaine had pasted on his face, as he barreled through the debate, leaving track marks on Gov. Pence's face.
Clowns do that a lot.
His manic behavior, talking over, under, around and through Mike Pence, interrupting him 70 times in the space of 90 minutes.
Clowns act that way, frantically riding tiny bicycles, honking their little horns.
Honk, honk, honk. Like Clarabelle, Kaine couldn't stop honking. That must have gotten Howdy's goat after a while. It sure got ours.
Honk, honk. Trashing Trump. It was brutal and embarrassing for Kaine. Honk. Misquoting Trump. Trump hates Mexicans. Trump hates Muslims. Trump loves Putin.
And praising Hillary for working a "tough negotiation with nations around the world to eliminate the Iranian nuclear weapons program without firing a shot."
It was a sad little spectacle. And Kaine looked like a sad little man.
The "debate" could have been Pence facing off with The Washington Post, and CBSN "moderator" Elaine Quijano did nothing to control it.
She let Kaine walk all over Pence's lines, but when Pence tried to speak about Hillary, having a private server, in her home, with classified information on it, Quijano was terse.
"You can have 30 seconds (to speak about cyber security). Governor, quickly, please."
When Kaine went low, Pence went high.
But it was a sad little state of events.
We all know Hillary's plan to bring in more illegal immigrants and "Syrian refugees," over the border that she wants to erase.
But Kaine didn't talk about that. Instead he talked about Trump's plan to deport illegal felons, and was insulted that Trump would "create a deportation force so that they'll all be gone."
This is a guy who told us his resume, "civil rights lawyer, city councilman, mayor and senator," yet was clueless about the guys who enforce our immigration laws.
But Pence knew about them. "Senator," Pence told Kaine,"we have a deportation force. It's called Immigrations and Customs Enforcement."
It was more downhill, if that's possible, from there.
No, no amount of PR can help clowns. People don't like them. Kids are afraid of them, and those kids grow up to be adults who don't like them.
There are studies on it.
And people don't like Hillary, either, no matter who fronts for her.
People know her story. They know she speaks out of both sides of her mouth, one for Wall Street, one for the campaign trail.
WikiLeaks told us, not the Fourth Estate.
"Coal people," "Rednecks," "Deplorables," "Needy Latinos," Catholics and Jews know what Hillary and her cronies think of them.
They know about the Debbie Wasserman Schultz-Donna Brazile type of politics, the conniving, the fixing, smuggling questions to Hillary, for debates and interviews, while laughing up their sleeves at us every day people.
WikiLeaks told us. Not the Fourth Estate.
They've seen the "Them Against Us" stance of The New York Times and the rest of the media, blatantly promoting a candidate who should have been indicted for crimes against her country and the American people.
That used to be called tyranny, but not to the president, the FBI director or the attorney general.
These are the people on Hillary's Dream Team, friends. And the other night we got to see her pick for vice president in action.
What we saw was a guy who was unprofessional, rude and boorish, reciting memorized talking points.
As the Canada Free Press put it, "It was a debut for which there will be no encores, and a show for which even some Democrats should be asking for their money back."
"By giving Kaine face play," the article said, "they unwittingly showed him as 'another creepy clown.'"
If Hillary is as sick as she seems to be, Kaine could end up being our president.
The only up side to that is this: If Kaine becomes vice president, or president, all his Secret Service detail will fit into one car.
Hold the line, America.