"I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there. It’s so petty.” Imelda Marcos, Widow of Philippine Dictator Ferdinand Marcos
January 8, 2014
By: Linda Case Gibbons
I could give you lots of high flown reasons why it is better to be a Liberal, but the simple fact is that it’s just easier.
Sound good? Well, it should, because it is.
So if you decide to go on over to the "Liberal Side,” here are some of the perks:
PERK ONE: The Bush Family or Karl Rove, John Boehner or John McCain will never beat up on you. They only do that to people they are afraid of, straight-talking folks who might give them a run for their money at election time. So be fair. If they don’t knock these people, how in heck are they going to get Jeb Bush into the White House? Bottom line is they only beat up on other Republicans, Conservative Republicans, so Liberals don’t have a worry in the world. Sweet!
PERK TWO: If you work in the Obama administration and you don’t like a word, any word, you can change it. For instance, the word "Welfare?” It has bad, bad connotations, so sayeth Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Texas), and according to her it should be replaced by: "Transitional living fund…” Yes, it is sort of "Newspeak,” I know, (see last week’s blog), but then what isn’t in this administration? "Obamacare” becomes the "Affordable Care Act,” "terrorism” becomes "workplace violence,” and "military veterans” are "right wing extremists.” Yes, there are lots of words that need fixin’.
PERK THREE: If you’re the president and don’t like a law, you can change it. "Separation of powers” is really only a phrase when you come right down to it. Because heck, if you’re the president and then can’t change things that need changin’, what’s the point, really?
PERK FOUR: Who says you can’t lead by example? The president does it. So does his attorney general. So if you don’t like a law, you can ignore it. Obama decided not to enforce the Defense of Marriage Law, the law defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman; Holder is recognizing same-sex marriages in Utah despite the Supreme Court’s ruling to halt those unions pending an appeal; Gov. Gerry Brown didn’t like the ban on gay marriage in California and refused to enforce it, and now Pennsylvania’s attorney general is doing the same thing, says she won’t enforce her state’s ban on gay marriage. Piece of cake. No repercussions.
PERK FIVE: If you’re a Liberal Journalist you can write that fictional piece you’ve been dying to create at the same time you’re reporting the news. I know. It used to be that a journalist was someone who gathered the facts – all the facts – gave background, contrasting views and then let the reader decide. Good news. You don’t have to do that anymore. Ignore the facts you don’t like; make up the rest.
PERK SIX: If you’re a government employee, everyone gets a complimentary copy of the Employee Handbook: "Alice in Wonderland.”
PERK SEVEN: Being a Liberal means never having to say you’re sorry. Really.
PERK EIGHT: If you are a Liberal, whimsy rules. You can say wacky things such as "Low employment numbers mean we need more immigrants to come into the country to jumpstart the economy,” as Secretary of Labor Thomas Perez said this week; or "Unemployment compensation creates jobs,” which Obama and Nancy Pelosi are fond of saying, or "If you like your….(fill in the blank), you can keep your …” You can say the last one, fill in whatever you want and you don’t have to mean it! That’s because being Liberal means never having to say you’re lying.
PERK NINE: Liberals are there to help. Help the country, the middle class, and the rich, especially the ones who earned their own wealth, fight their way to the middle, to second place, right down to not being anything special. To do otherwise wouldn’t "be fair,” or "equitable,” or "doing their fair share.” The president said so. So did New York City’s new Socialist mayor.
PERK TEN: If you are a Liberal, you stick to the party line no matter how tough it gets or how stupid your answers are. Like lemmings, following each other over the cliff (with apologies to lemmings), just keep trucking with the party line. You must never say you’re wrong. You must never apologize. And, if pressed, pull out the old saw, "Why…(sputter, sputter), you are nothing but a racist!
PERK ELEVEN: If you’re a Liberal, it is critical to stay on the lookout for racism. The attorney general spends his time doing nothing else but. It’s a big job, because he knows if anybody does anything, if they’re not in his party or if they’re not black, it’s a sure bet it’s racially motivated. Right? And he means it. The Department of Justice and Education just sent a letter to schools across the country. It said: When punishing kids, consider their skin color and balance the punishments among students. Say what?
PERK TWELVE: If you do something bad, mayhap illegal, such as using the IRS to target conservatives and the Tea Party, you don’t have to answer any questions, none. You can just retire from your job with a handsome pension just like Lois Lerner. If you mess up, as in rolling out the Obamacare website, again no questions, you can just retire from your job with a handsome pension like Marilyn Tavenner. If you disclaim knowledge or responsibility, but you really are responsible for loss of lives in an overseas embassy, you can just retire from your job with a handsome pension just like Hillary Clinton. And when you think about it, what difference does it make? Or does it?
PERK THIRTEEN: If you’re the Liberal president and are riddled with scandals, you can appoint one of your political donors to head up the investigation into one of your scandals like Barbara Bosserman to investigate the IRS’ targeting of Tea Party and conservative groups in 2012. Conflict of interest be damned! It worked with the Benghazi Accountability Review Board. Key investigator Thomas R. Pickering was affiliated with the controversial group, the Council on American-Islamic Relations and FYI never interviewed Hillary. Conflict of interest again? Interesting thought.
PERK FOURTEEN: If you’re a Liberal journalist you can become outraged or disinterested at the drop of a hat. It’s your choice. Benghazi? Makes your guy look bad, don’t cover it. And while you’re at it, devote 17 times more coverage in a 24-hour reporting cycle to Chris Christie’s Bridgegate than you did in six months to Barack Obama’s IRS scandal. It’s the Liberal way.
PERK FIFTEEN: If you’re a Liberal, you can call in sick in Congress for half a year, then be indicted for campaign fraud and blame the Republicans for being heartless to ask where you’ve been. It works to "call in sick” if you’re a former secretary of state, too and you’ve been called to testify before Congress.
But I’m being too harsh, I know. Being a Liberal is no bed of roses, either.
You have to put up with being compared to people like former Mayor Rudy Giuliani and Gov. Nikki Haley, people who go public and defend their friends when the chips are down. People who actually have strong standards behind which they stand.
How uncomfortable must that be for those poor Liberals?
Hold the line, America.